Deep Loneliness

Hope.

The overwhelming impression I brought back from participating in a three-and-one-half-day Christian retreat inside a medium security state prison more than ten years ago was deep loneliness. Obvious when you think about it. Men are locked up in a dangerous environment with other men for long periods of time with limited or no contact with family or friends.

Thinking about loneliness is very different from feeling the loneliness. I felt the loneliness..

So, what do you do?

 I participated in additional Christian retreats inside prison. I attended Prayer and Share sessions in prison. I prayed for my new brothers in white. The relationships I had with some of my new brothers in white deepened. Even so, I continued to feel the deep loneliness.

I wrote letters at least once every two months to my brothers in white. If one replied, I promptly wrote him back. I used my best stationery until prison rules limited all written communications to white paper (no Christmas cards, etc.). I chose my stamps with care—pony car stamps, athletes, performers, landscapes, heroes. In over ten years, I’ve never once used a generic stamp.

Here is what I have learned. The only lasting antidote to loneliness is hope. The only place you can find hope that you can bet your life on, hope that will sustain you no matter what, is your faith.

Faith and belief are not the same thing. Being imprisoned has caused men in white I have been privileged to know to stand on their faith. Being in relationship with them has strengthened my faith and fills me with hope.