The Psalms

Deepest Feelings.

I’ve turned to the Psalms as long as I can remember. They seem somehow to tunnel into my deepest feelings—despair, anger, abandonment, frustration but also assurance, hope, gentleness, tenderness and love.

There have been periods when I read a psalm or psalms every day and other periods when I go months without paying a visit. Every time I return, the deep part of me is welcomed. It’s like I’ve come home again.

Last year, one of my dearest friends died. Her husband asked me to read a psalm of my choice at the memorial service. What an honor but also what a challenge.

My dear friend was one of the most well-read persons I have ever known. She was a deep thinker, articulate and very direct. Her opinions were well-formed.

I searched for “just the right” psalm. As I did, I imagined my friend sitting on the first row, approaching me after the service was over, thanking me for reading the psalm, and then, looking directly in my eyes, asking me why I had chosen the psalm I chose.

As I considered one psalm and then another, all the while thinking of my friend, I kept coming back to Psalm 139, but it, like so many other psalms, contains some very harsh language—

“19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
    and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—

20 those who speak of you maliciously
    and lift themselves up against you for evil! “

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.”

I expressed my dilemma to Elizabeth, who introduced me to Psalms for Praying—An Invitation to Wholeness by Nan C. Merrill. Psalms for Praying is not a translation of the Psalms, rather it is a companion. Merrill points out in the Preface that “The Psalms of the Hebrew Scripture often reflect a patriarchal society based on fear and guilt that projects evil and sin onto outer enemies. Psalms for Praying reflects the reciprocity of Divine Love that opens the heart to forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing.”

In lieu of the portion of Psalm 139 quoted above, Psalms for Praying reads:

“O that You would vanquish my fears, Beloved; O that ignorance and suffering would depart from me—My ego separates me from true abandonment, to surrendering myself into your Hands! Yet are these not the very thorns that focus my thoughts upon You? Will I always need reminders to turn my face to You? I yearn to come to You in love, to learn of your mercy and wisdom!”

Since that experience over a year ago, I read three versions of a psalm every day—

• New Revised Standard Version

• The Psalms--Poetry on Fire (a gift to me from a dear friend who attended the memorial service) and

• Psalms for Praying—an Invitation to Wholeness

I’m even assembling my own psaltery (Elizabeth accuses me of copying Thomas Jefferson).