Musing

Loneliness.

Some walks are good for musing. Others, not so much. This morning’s walk was good for musing.

Not surprisingly, I started to think about prison. Why did I go back after the first visit? Good question.

I know my motives are never totally pure and I am often out of touch with why I do as I do. With that caveat, I can say that what drew me back was the deep loneliness I felt being with those men, a loneliness I have been familiar with since my youth.

What do you do for lonely people? I wrote them letters, whether they replied or not, containing hope and truthfulness. I faithfully showed up at Prayer and Share. Through the grace of God, I was allowed to meet with men of my choice, on a one-on-one basis, at least once a month. When I was with a man, I was present—my agenda being to listen well and to affirm when I could.

I’m no longer allowed to go into prison, which has not prevented me from writing and having telephone conversations with my brothers in white*.  Plus, I can now give them birthday presents and send them books.

So, what have I gained? Recently one of my brothers who has been out for more than two years shared with me about his little grandson crawling all over him and begging him to play. Oh, if you could have seen the smile on my brother’s face and heard his laughter! I can’t properly describe the impact on me from witnessing the quality of life my brother now has compared to seven years ago when I was first his mentor.

My heart is more tender. My hope is brighter. I’m less cynical. Precious commodities.

*All inmates in Texas state prisons wear white.